Wednesday; Nostalgia hit, double dosage.
I begin with somewhat a warning that if you don’t like extended metaphors, this blog should not be on your list of blogs to watch.
The longest I’ve recalled living in one place was in high school with my grandparents, for six whole years. It startles me that there are people in this world who have lived in the same establishment for their whole lives. I actually can’t comprehend what it’s like to settle in that way.
Travelling is ingrained in me. I’ve drilled into myself the habit of not allowing myself to get too comfortable no matter where I go in order to never have to go through too much intensity when I need to uproot and physically separate from people, because it happens often.
Perhaps it’s not that great of a way of making friends or something, I don’t know, but it’s how I get by.
I’ve only reserved a few spots in my heart where I’ve allowed certain people to set up camp there.
Sometimes, I don’t know that they have built a house on the space they have taken until it’s too late for me to not care, and I have no choice but to love them forever. That’s what happened with Tin. And now I live with her.
We’re practically married.
Sometimes, I’m only aware of their presence when they’ve dug the foundations, so I can’t get rid of them or I’ll be left with a hole in my life and questions about my life choices. That’s what happened with Nat. She’s going to be the one I consult for baby names, life changing decisions and housing locations. Nat’s the one, I can tell, that I’m going to share a room with when we’re insane cat ladies so we can lady cats together. She’s pretty much my twin.
Sometimes, I hand them their bricks and watch them pick a spot and smile as they accept and give them banners for their housewarming, aware of exactly how and when they built their place, and being thankful the whole way. That’s what happened with Mick. I’m not sure who he’ll be, yet, but he’ll be there.
And that’s all I need to know for now.
It’s fantastic. And that’s about as much of a shout out you will ever get from me, any of you.
(Clearly I’m lying because I love them too much not to constantly be talking and blogging about how great they are)
Some days my heart expands in my chest, and every time I open my mouth more love pours out. I’m not sure why those days happen, when other days I open my mouth and there’s nothing but soot because my heart is weighed down.
I think I just love people. Sometimes it gets a bit much, and I have to remember that telling strangers that I love them probably isn’t a good idea. I think I love people, and some days that gets me up, down and around. It gets a bit odd. I’m not sure why it happens.
I question myself often. My motives, emotions, thoughts and actions all confuse myself. I don’t analyse me very well. I think too much and sleep too little, and it makes me question everything that I have to question, which can’t be good for me but I’m at the age where I should be doing things that aren’t good for me and I guess this can’t be as dangerous as various other things that I could be doing in the eyes of those who have authority over my life.
Sometimes I do things just to see how I or others would react. It doesn’t always end well.
I go Christmas shopping tomorrow, and I’m rather excited! I don’t know who I’m going to give gifts to this year, but it’s probably only going to be a select few since I’m rather poor constantly now and I don’t believe in giving boring gifts.
I developed a habit during the early days of my friendship with Nat where every card I wrote turned into a letter. I will be writing Christmas letters, this year. It will be glorious, and knowing that those who I write to will probably keep my letters makes me a very happy individual.
I should sleep, Annie.