Here is a long excerpt from my journal, back in October, because I feel like sharing:
I fall and fall and fall in all sorts of ways for all sorts of people and for reasons that, at times, astound even myself. I love it.
I love people and I love people’s lives and how they go about in them. I love cracking open someone’s shell to get them comfortable. I love talking and finding out about someone to catalogue their life story both for later writing use and to use information about them to make them happy. I love approval from people I admire. I love differences and similarities and I love befriending people I never thought I’d get along with, and I love being around people who are so much more impressive than I but somehow grant me their presence and let me bask in their attention.
I love discussions and opinionated statements and disagreements on the meanings or connotations of words, and I love the sleepy but deep and meaningful conversations and the way people use my name to restate or capture my attention. I love it when people hug me hello or goodbye or just ’cause and I love it a lot when people tell me they love me because I really love people and when it’s mutual it just makes me all the more happier.
I love looking through my photos on Facebook to remember things and relive fond memories and then discussing them with people who were there. I love meeting the friends of my friends and then finding out or asking about what my friends were like before I met them. I love knowing someone so well that they begin to tell you something and I am able to say what they’ve told me before. I love sharing stories and knowledge and trivia and useless tid bits that make life just that little cooler.
I love being with people a lot then cataloguing their little habits and quirks and kinks and the way they talk and walk and attitudes. I love it so much when I realise that my friends are contagious and I suddenly use phrases that I never used before for situations that I’d never have gotten into without them. I love deep and meaningful discussions at the wharf, at a party, drunk, sober, tipsy, tired, while all nightering at uni or while procrastinating or texting or while we talk towards an unknown destination… I am feeling so much love right now for all my current active friendships it’s impossible. I love them all so much. So much that my heart is bursting into ink and words and sounds and there is just so much to love. I want to love them forever, and just tuck them inside me and carry them places. I want to travel and show them places and learn alongside them and learn about them and convince them to let me be around them forever… I just really love people. I really love people a lot.
I think perhaps that it’s the most honest piece of writing I’ve ever written. And it is my gift for you, this Christmas. I am solitary tonight, like the moon.
Sleep well, Annie.