Friday; Be Merry, My Love!
For old times’ sake, I will start at the end.
I truly finished my first year of university today. The final exhibition of the year was over and done and packed away in boxes, and my annual Summer Doom settled in my stomach alongside the butterflies and salad.
When I was younger I dreaded the summer for familial reasons. I didn’t particularly like my circumstances or, more specifically, my living arrangements, and being stuck in the same place with the same people seemed like hell.
I’m aware that this year has changed a lot in terms of both circumstance and living arrangements, but it doesn’t stop the dread or the Monster. I’m not sure why, considering literally every negative aspect of my high school life has been altered so to grant me a fantastic year (which was received on my end in a spectacular fashion). My summer won’t be bad at all. I’m just hoping that it will be good enough to chase my feelings of doom away.
The final exhibition was a ridiculously good night. I had an amazing time meeting friends of friends and introducing them to the family of animators, with all the work we had done in a year’s worth of time surrounding us and music and alcohol… I couldn’t have asked for a better ending to the academic year. The only thing that may have been even better would have been if my parents were there and proud, but I’m used to their lack of presence. I say that in the least affected manner possible.
My parents haven’t been around much. More so lately, but it doesn’t change much. I’m happy with it, though. I’m happy enough to just know that they’re supporting my way through this.
There is literally nothing else in the world right now that I want more than to understand myself and other people in general. I’ve been down and I noticed that. It’s a start, I guess. I have the rest of my life to grow into that aspect of wisdom that I lack.
I am falling in love with people all over again, and it’s just painful, most of the time. I can grow to get used to that, I suppose. My anchors will hold me, and my fate will carry me where ever I need to be, I trust.
For every aspect of my life that has gone wrong, something has gone so very, very right. I thank God for every single person that I’ve met this year through something new that I’ve tried, or something grand that I’ve not missed because of circumstantial differences between this year and the past, or something fantastic that I’d have missed out on. Animation has been one of the two best things that have happened to me in life decision making. I’ve learnt that there are people who will move mountains for me, and people who will move ant hills, and that I will go out of my way to shift the oceans’ tides for them.
The affection I hold is limitless, because the moment I think I cannot love someone more than I do, I can. The moment I consider something to be the most I can feel for or towards someone, I will feel more. There’s nothing that will make me forget the way I’ve felt all year, with emotions getting more intense every single day.
I still don’t know if it’s a good thing yet. We will see.
May the stars shine into your window tonight, Annie.