Every time I walk past the gym downstairs I note the time of day in my head and whether there’s people inside. I don’t know why I’m so nervous but the idea of being inside the gym with other people who seem to know what they’re doing makes me sprout cold sweat.
In the usual new year resolution tradition, I received 3 emails in the past 3 days from my old gym that my mum had signed me up for. I cancelled my membership maybe a week ago. They offered a lot of different things to try and get me to stay, but I hadn’t gone in 8 months and the amount of money that was just flying out the window was staggering. I just can’t do it.
I had set a calendar event with a friend of mine a couple of days ago who reminded me that I was supposed to literally just stand inside the gym. Just walk inside. It’s been on my mind. It’s his birthday today and I wanted to take a photo of myself inside the gym just for a joke and say that it was his birthday gift but… I couldn’t do it. There were people inside. I didn’t go in.
In a desperate move to try and get myself back into my regular rhythms since I’ve been unsynced with my own sleep for about 2 months, I got out of bed at 7:30am on a Saturday. I walked Macy because I looked outside and there was blue sky (the second time in also 2 months) so I immediately wanted to be outdoors before the heat hit. I went downstairs to the gym afterwards, telling my mum to join me when she was ready.
There was an older man from somewhere else in the building with his shirt off and saggy skin, just sitting on one of the equipment in silence. I looked at him. He looked at me. He put his shirt back on and left. I walked (at a fast pace, hush) 20 minutes on the treadmill and was embarrassingly sweaty. Mum eventually joined me, which is when we discovered most of the other equipment was pretty much broken and kind of sticky. We suspect it’s because most nights, certain families in the building take their very young to regular young children to play there.
Maybe I’ll join a cheaper gym eventually.
I went to the gym downstairs again, after work. I walked past the gym and saw that the lights were off and no one was in there, so I went upstairs and got changed and went. I sent a photo to the friend who had that first calendar event to encourage me to step inside the gym. I did about the same amount of things as last time, and listened to the podcast that I decided would be only for exercising. I felt good.
At some point I thought I could hear someone in the gym’s bathroom. I get the feeling people in the building use it for purposes unrelated to exercise and that bothers me a little. I thought about joining another gym, again.
I've started some new meds that seem to make doing tasks remarkably easier. I have only taken them for about 3 days so far so I don’t have enough data to make a sweeping generalisation for how it affects me, but I slept in and missed my first dose and after taking my second dose I decided to take in some sun on the balcony, which I haven’t done much this summer because of the fires and smoke.
I did 4 sets of 15 squats, a small amount of planking (like 3 sets of 2 lol) and a lot of stretching, in the nude, on my balcony, fully in the sun. I felt really, really good. I’m amazed I’ve managed to exercise 3 times this month. I will aim for 5 times, next month (which would be… once a week? Good stuff, me).
Onwards & upwards,